Thursday, November 30, 2006

It's On

I was wondering what to blog about, and then I received this comment:

anonymous said…
actually it was free range from a local

and you suck at trivial pursuit

Section one of comment is a true story. Part of our conversation at dinner was about how it seemed odd that this free range monster chicken had less growth hormone and other like additives than most grocery store birds.

Section two of comment is NOT a true story. My immediate reaction to section two would normally be, “Your Mama sucks at Trivial Pursuit!” but alas, I believe I know who this anonymous lurker is. It is none other than the almost entirely, but not quite completely less than famous Professor Krispy Giggle-Guts Googieboggie Wise III, (or, My Sis,) and therefore as I mentioned previously, the Mama comment is probably inappropriate. (And, untrue as me Ma has some mad skillz with the trivia.)

Anyway, the Sis, (who continues to think I am a geek, (or nerd, I can’t remember which,) for having a blog and yet continues to read and occasionally comment on said blog,) is probably just a little upset that she lost twice on the weekend. I can understand her frustration. She did not have the luck of the draw for most of the second game. Frequently she would get a brown question (Arts and Lit) for a pie which went something like this, “Who was the poet laureate for Ireland from 1742 to 1753?” (I made that up; I don’t even know if it has an answer.) Then, on my turn I would get something like, “What is the title of the second book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy?” Also, keep in mind that we were playing an original 1981 edition of the game, which incidentally is the year the Sis was born. This was funny when it came to some of the blue (geography) questions that asked us about East Germany, Czechoslovakia, and the USSR.

She’s probably also upset that she subsequently lost the several rounds of “Question Offs” that we had. [Question Off: [kwes-chuh~n awf] – noun – origin: Belleville, early 21st century – 1. A situation where each player in a game of Trivial Pursuit is required to answer all six questions on a single card, the winner being the player that answers the most questions correctly. Usually used to break ties or settle family disputes.]

Or, she’s upset about my uncanny ability to produce answers to questions without even knowing why, (or, as the Brother in Law puts it, to pull answers out of my ass.) For example, take my thought process to answer the question, “Who was the Prime Minister of Britain that preceded Winston Churchill?” Brain says, “Hmm, I’m not good at history. Ok, let’s work this out; I heard a name once, (I think,) that sounds British and sounded important, you know, leader-like.” Mouth says, “Chamberlain…?” Brother in Law falls over backwards (literally) in disbelief. I have since read up on Chamberlain so if the question comes up, “What was the name of the peace treaty Chamberlain signed with Hitler in 1938?” I will know the answer.

The point, (I think,) is this: It’s on!

I hereby declare that this Christmas Holidays will be the official time of the World Championship of Trivial Pursuit. [Note: “World” is used very loosely here. See historical reference on the Badminton Championship of the World.] We will play any and all versions of Trivial Pursuit available, (within reason; I wouldn’t make everyone play the Star Wars version because I would own,) in order to determine the true champion. The contestants of course will be myself, the Sis, and the Brother in Law. Others present will be welcome to join but we wouldn’t want to embarrass you all.

And Kristy, no reading all the cards to study up!

All for now,

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Thanksgiving Chicken!

I have mentioned in the past how I am not a fan of turkey. Oversized, dried-out, monster of a bird… don’t get me started. So although I was looking forward to spending time with family this past weekend for Thanksgiving*, I was not necessarily looking forward to the dinner.

As it turned out, I was pleasantly surprised. I looked into the fridge on Saturday and saw what I thought was a smallish turkey ready for the evening feast. (Ready to be part of the feast, rather than ready to partake of it… just thought I’d clarify.) The bird I discovered however was not a smallish turkey, but rather an obscenely largish chicken. How large? Let’s put it this way. If one was to go to a Swiss Chalet for lunch after church on a Sunday, (as close to 99.97% of church goers in the TDot do,) and one was feeling quite hungry, one might order the Half-Chicken Dinner, rather than just the Quarter-Chicken (white or dark.) Half of our Thanksgiving Chicken fed the five people sitting around the table to the “OOOOooooOOOO I am so full” level.

This of course helps my argument against turkey. Even though this chicken was friggin’ huge, it still kept all of its juicy chicken goodness, as opposed to the not-so-juicy turkey not-so-goodness that we are normally accustomed to at Thanksgiving. (Note: except for the turkey my sister, Professor Krispy Giggle-Guts Googieboggie Wise III, made last Christmas which was insanely juicy, (i.e. you could almost wring it out,) due to the fact that she basted it every two minutes according to Cheri.)

I realized something else while hanging out with my sister all weekend. “Your Mama” jokes just aren’t as effective on siblings.

Oh, and I’m better at Trivia Pursuit than my Sis.

All for now,

*To any American readers this seems pretty normal, but to explain for those in the Great White North, my Step-Mum is American, (and Canadian, but she was born in the U.S.)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Formerly Known As...

My good friend JWE, (also known as the Neurotic One,) who used to get a link for his name but doesn't any more because he doesn't update his blog... In fact, I think it has come to getting bumped from the side, too.

Anyway, where was I? JWE has changed his name. He shall henceforth be known as:

Jarnospaldervangundersonsen Spelly McSpellerson

Ok, so I changed his name for him, but he brought it on himself. As in the past I will shorten his name for blogging purposes which should be nothing new as his old last name contained redundant letters and people were always trying to shorten it for him. I am debating about the short form, however. One option is JSM, you know to keep the three character standard. This could get confusing for some readers though as Jess sometimes uses the JMS as a sign-off. I'd hate to have someone confuse the two of them because Jess is prettier and Jarnospaldervangundersonsen is a bigger geek, (Hold on now...those are both compliments!) The second option for contraction is JSMcS. There are more letters, but five is way easier to manage than the forty-five in his ridiculously long name.

I wonder if his wife will want to change her name? I don't think she did the first time, (you know, redundant letters and all,) but Angel McSpellerson actually sounds kind of nice. I'll be there on the weekend so I can sort out all the details.

That is, if I don't get buried under the shed.

All for now,

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Man Cannot Live on Candy and Caffeine Alone

Usually I get a bad case of Monday every week. It strikes hard around sunup and continues until almost noon. Sometimes, after an exceptionally busy weekend or a late Sunday night, the flare up of Monday can continue well into the afternoon. Monday isn't contagious but symptoms are such that one should be isolated if at all possible. One can usually counteract Monday with a healthy dose of caffeine. A Grande Americano will do the trick, but sometimes the forth shot is required.

Occasionally in a week where there has been a particularly virulent occurrence of Monday, it is followed by an outbreak of Tuesday. Tuesday is different in almost every way. It is usually accompanied by a higher than normal level of morning cheerfulness, random silliness, loud talking and bad jokes. (With individuals where loud talking and bad jokes are common, these symptoms are greatly magnified.) Tuesday can also be contagious, infecting others with silliness and loud talking especially. The cause of Tuesday is a mystery but theories include too much sleep after a case of Monday or an overactive adrenal gland. Unlike Monday, caffeine will NOT help a case of Tuesday, in fact it is almost guaranteed to amplify the visible symptoms. However, those that have become addicted to caffeine to battle Monday will find ceasing consumption next to impossible.

Yesterday I had an extremely bad case of Tuesday. Mix with that with the fact that it was Candy Day, (otherwise known as the Eve of All Hallowed Saints Day,) and you'll see the potential recipe for disaster. I ate about six pounds of candy yesterday and drank upwards of three Grande Americanos, (Americanoes? Americani?) Around mid-afternoon, when I was starting to feel the effects of a combined sugar and caffeine crash, I did what any sane individual would do with the materials at hand. I ate more candy and drank more caffeine. Bad news. I went home after work and slept a good portion of the evening away on the chesterfield while my body screamed at me, "What are you doing to me you crazy ba-- fish dropping?!"

In the late evening, I contemplated my state of being and it occurred to me that it was almost November. "That it!" I said, (to nobody in particular because the Roomy wasn't home,) "Time to recommit!"

If you're unfamiliar with my story thus far, my brief lack of internal monologue refers to The November Resolution. Now keep in mind that I have not fallen completely off the wagon. I have been shifted all the way to one side and am holding on with both hands, but the lifestyle change I made has stuck for the most part. At this point I need to recommit to rising early for spin class or the treadmill, hitting the weights a couple times a week, and bringing a healthy lunch more frequently. I am still curling twice a week and playing squash once or twice a week so it shouldn't be too hard. I am setting a bigger goal for next summer by training for a half marathon and hopefully the half-iron triathlon in Parry Sound. So, now that we know all that, there is only one more thing to say:

The faster I finish these m&m's and jelly beans, the faster I can get on with it.

All for now,