Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Man Cannot Live on Candy and Caffeine Alone

Usually I get a bad case of Monday every week. It strikes hard around sunup and continues until almost noon. Sometimes, after an exceptionally busy weekend or a late Sunday night, the flare up of Monday can continue well into the afternoon. Monday isn't contagious but symptoms are such that one should be isolated if at all possible. One can usually counteract Monday with a healthy dose of caffeine. A Grande Americano will do the trick, but sometimes the forth shot is required.

Occasionally in a week where there has been a particularly virulent occurrence of Monday, it is followed by an outbreak of Tuesday. Tuesday is different in almost every way. It is usually accompanied by a higher than normal level of morning cheerfulness, random silliness, loud talking and bad jokes. (With individuals where loud talking and bad jokes are common, these symptoms are greatly magnified.) Tuesday can also be contagious, infecting others with silliness and loud talking especially. The cause of Tuesday is a mystery but theories include too much sleep after a case of Monday or an overactive adrenal gland. Unlike Monday, caffeine will NOT help a case of Tuesday, in fact it is almost guaranteed to amplify the visible symptoms. However, those that have become addicted to caffeine to battle Monday will find ceasing consumption next to impossible.

Yesterday I had an extremely bad case of Tuesday. Mix with that with the fact that it was Candy Day, (otherwise known as the Eve of All Hallowed Saints Day,) and you'll see the potential recipe for disaster. I ate about six pounds of candy yesterday and drank upwards of three Grande Americanos, (Americanoes? Americani?) Around mid-afternoon, when I was starting to feel the effects of a combined sugar and caffeine crash, I did what any sane individual would do with the materials at hand. I ate more candy and drank more caffeine. Bad news. I went home after work and slept a good portion of the evening away on the chesterfield while my body screamed at me, "What are you doing to me you crazy ba-- fish dropping?!"

In the late evening, I contemplated my state of being and it occurred to me that it was almost November. "That it!" I said, (to nobody in particular because the Roomy wasn't home,) "Time to recommit!"

If you're unfamiliar with my story thus far, my brief lack of internal monologue refers to The November Resolution. Now keep in mind that I have not fallen completely off the wagon. I have been shifted all the way to one side and am holding on with both hands, but the lifestyle change I made has stuck for the most part. At this point I need to recommit to rising early for spin class or the treadmill, hitting the weights a couple times a week, and bringing a healthy lunch more frequently. I am still curling twice a week and playing squash once or twice a week so it shouldn't be too hard. I am setting a bigger goal for next summer by training for a half marathon and hopefully the half-iron triathlon in Parry Sound. So, now that we know all that, there is only one more thing to say:

The faster I finish these m&m's and jelly beans, the faster I can get on with it.

All for now,


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